im tired of all this shit i just want to GET AWAY

Friday, July 01, 2005
Friday, July 01, 2005

read rachel's blog. it's sho interesting!! lols. so is sock's. elaine's hasnt been updated for like..YEARS. then it occurs to me. im so free right now. why not blog something.

__`` piano ``__

it's been forever since i last touch it. surprisingly, there is little dust on the piano. anyway. pull open the 'cover', the keys are white and black. not yellow and black. -.-'' run my fingers across the piano. some kind of memory flashed in my mind. not one, but many. i was probably recalling the years i spent practising on this piano. the only piano. my only piano. favourite one is back in another school. those fond memories. i played shi jie mo ri on it. it sounded really nice. not like the last time i played shi jie mo ri. it sounded crappity craps. now it sounds so end-of-the-world.
=)

__`` memories ``__

it's been months since i last saw jenny. she came back suddenly. not telling a single soul except lilian. lols. she said she was going for choir on friday [yest.]. but she didnt. im sadd. but it's expected. choir isnt important to her anymore. it's just the past. so were the fun we had.

Yiting came back. on wednesday. on tuesday, i was worried. what if she wasnt coming back. but something in me told myself. 'if yiting says she's coming back. she will. she keeps her promise well.' next thing i know. im not bothered by the fact she's not around. next day, she pops out in my class. i was elated. but i guess i didnt show it. =) which is in fact a good thing. and best of all. im remembered by the fact that she, yiting, is the first person i know in cchms. then jenny. lols. it's funny how the world goes around.

walked by the locker on thursday. saw him but we didnt talk. it was awkward. but he didnt seem to be bothered by the fact anymore. it's just me. who is bothered by it. but oh well. if it has to be this way, so be it. 'look on the brighter side.' as aaron tells me. i've got a lot a lot to tell him. but it just doesnt seem right to tell him. to even message him. or to even say hi. now. things just get worse. i thought it was suppose to get better? oh. heck. go with the flow.

__`` unhappy stuffs``__
usual stuffs are happening. always the same case when it comes to boy-girl. it's like. i bring the guy and the girl together. now, a guy in tuition comes to me and ask for help. damn. why why why!! why me? next time i ever encounter such thing. im gonna tell the guy in the face 'if you are a guy. go get her yourself and quit being so sissy.' you see. being in the middle is so tough. one wrong mistake, you get killed first before the one requesting for help gets killed. or maybe, other's will say you are an extra. things i do for friends. i dont even do them for my buddies. hella. unfairness.

she says 'you are a bitch.' so much for being her good friend. or so. "good" friend. so much for helping her find out stuffs. now i feel so used. like im user-friendly. damn. im not going to be so nice anymore. if jenny ever reads this. let's just say. the phrase " TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO TREAT YOU " isnt happening at all. at least to me. it's unfair. as usual.
life's all about unfairness. i know that. to that girl. whatever it is. in the end. you are still my friend. im gonna just act like you didnt say it. and i'll show you, in the end who's the real bitch.
and i mean it.

__`` just friends not buddies ``__

just found out something. one of my buddy can sweet talk really well. most of the time i fall for his sweet talks. and hella. poof. im cheered. in future, no more of such things. i know he's just a friend. not a buddy. a buddy holds you when you cry. a buddy tells you hang on, i'm here. a buddy tells you to be hold tight 'cause you gonna crash soon. that's my definition of buddy. not really. but somewhat like that. and my dad's right. i've got more acquaintants than good buddies.

when will i find a real buddy? iunno.

im torn between
silent & violent expression