im tired of all this shit i just want to GET AWAY

Monday, April 03, 2006
Monday, April 03, 2006

so i thought last week full force anger ended being just a phase. haha. what am i suppose to type in here so that things will get better and not worse. n-o-t-h-i-n-g. haha, ironic isnt it.

about talentime, im so not sure about the ticket. if i have it, i'll give it to whoever who wants it AND tells me. so if you want the ticket, you better tell me asap.

today went pretty 'awesome' because we had this change in our seating arrangements. and one thing to say to those. [if what that dickhead say is true.] i apologise for causing you all the trouble when actually you can sit and have fun at your usual seats. i didnt feel anywhere better, so why dont you just shut your fucking trap up. i shall insincerely apologise in advance if your results start to fucking slip. fuck, you wna ask me why im sensitive? i dont give a shite if it's just a joke or a fucking comment. to hell with you because my results arent anywhere better than anyone. SO WHY DONT YOU JUST LEAVE IT ALONE. ARENT WE ALL FRIENDS? somehow this is making me feel like i cannot lift my head up to look at the world around me the way i used to. ask me why. because of my fucked up results. and because of my fucked up results, i feel like im condemned for life. and im condemned for life because o'levels is fucking important. it's like the railway. one loose screw, byebye. and in reality, one loose screw would be taking the wrong step aka making one little mistake. and here i am, stepping in a pile of stinking mixture of mud and poo. if you cant help me, shut your fucking trap and fuck off. i dont need your fucking comments because it wont bring you or me any place better. if seeing me crying makes you feel better, sorry i wont allow you to push me to that corner where i breakdown. I WILL NOT CRY IN FRONT OF YOU. i will not. logic here is simple -- you cant help me, you leave me alone. you digg?

alright. there goes. part of the whole thing poured out. sorry if it's offensive. if you want to read something, you'll read the REAL thing instead of some poser blog, right?

ahha. i dont know why. i recalled this recess time thing, something happened, then redhead and i started talking.

'scold me la. i'll act like im listening.'
'whatever for, it's not like im your mum or anything.'
'yeah. but im your dad! HAHA.'
'aha. funny ah!'
'say somemore, and you are grounded ah! HAHA!'

i want to watch FRAGILE this week. any takers?

everything seems so wrong.

CAN ANYONE HELP MAKE THINGS BETTER FOR ME?

is it a plea? yes it is.

im torn between
silent & violent expression